Two

Four weeks ago, my first baby turned two. Right now she is growing and changing at an astonishing pace, and I don't want to forget a thing. But I know my memory isn't that good, so now I can always be reminded of...

How she squints her eyes, scrunches up her nose and says "Keese!" when I'm trying to take a picture.

How instead of an emphatic "Uh-HUH!", she's started to say "Yah!" like a Swede.

How she has memorized parts of certain books, and reads them out loud.

How if I'm singing a song from a movie or a show that she watches, she recognizes which one the song is from.

How if I'm singing something she doesn't recognize, she stops me and asks me to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider instead.

How she says "Kay, bu-dah!" (It's okay, brother!) when Declan is crying.

How after watching the Summer Olympics, she started swimming in the bathtub.

How she drags around the step stool, so while I change Declan's diaper, she can pinch his cheeks. 

How she somehow has learned to say thank you, or rather "Keek you!" at all appropriate moments. Also whenever she hands YOU something.

How she is more enthusiastic when talking about cake, than when actually eating it.

How her hair is always tangled.

How she pretends to race, and counts down "One...two...ONE!" or "Free...free...FREE!"

How "hugging" her brother turns into a bellyflop on top of him.

How she runs to help me unload the dishwasher and put wet clothes in the dryer.

How she says "munny" (bunny) and "mana" (banana) even though she says "book" and "baby" and plenty of other "b" words just fine.

How big she reaches for something high up in the pantry, and always does a little jump, like that will help.

How expressive her sounds are. "Hmmmm..." 

"Wheeeee!"

"Huh?" 

"Wwoooww!"

How every morning, first she asks where her brother is, and then tells me she's hungry.

How she's usually hungry for crackers but not a lot of other things.

How putting her in a pair of jeans made her look so much older.

How she loves to try to put on her shoes, and clunks around the house with them half on.

How she puts stickers on her nose and leaves them there for hours.

How she tells me I'm cute after I get dressed.

How divine it is to snuggle with her on the couch, because having a still moment is a rare gift. 

How much her brother obviously adores her.

How she loves playing games with her daddy and riding on his shoulders.

How much we love every bit of Isla Florence.

[Week 38-39]

Yesterday I had a false labor scare, which did two things: it made me kick my butt into gear to get prepared for this baby, and it made me realize how much I do NOT want to give birth again. Like seriously. It's not fun! 

Anyway, I was woken up (actually I wasn't quite asleep yet) about 1am with lots of contractions, even after I chugged a bunch of water and laid down again. Almost immediately I started shivering, which happened like crazy the last 5 hours of my labor with Isla, which made me even more nervous. It was too early, I wasn't expecting anything like this for another week! Feeling a little freaked out, I got up, continued doing laundry that I had started earlier, dug the infant car seat out of the basement, and made a list of things I needed to add to my hospital bag. Around 3:30 I laid down on the couch and dozed off for about an hour and a half. As soon as Kevin got up, I started gathering things together. I was so unprepared! Mostly in the food category, I had hardly put anything in the freezer yet. Also, I was supposed to get my hair done yesterday morning, which I ended up canceling to be on the safe side. SO SAD! But by about 10am, the contractions were still so inconsistent and not progressing, that I realized it probably wasn't actually happening. Big sigh of relief. And frustration, because I really wanted some cool hair. 

Since then, I've packed our bags, put 6 more meals (plus a bunch of burritos!) in the freezer, washed the dusty car seat cover, and cleaned up the baby's room as best as I can. While taking care of a tantrum-throwing, sick and sometimes vomiting toddler. Whew! The hospital is going to feel like a vacation! Ha. Jk.

So no baby yet, but it should be soon! I decided to grab (maybe) one more bump shot this morning, mostly because I'm in love with this shirt.

[Week 36]

OMG this baby is coming so soon! I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Kevin brought up a suitcase from the basement a few days ago so I could pack it for the hospital...it's still empty. I still feel like I have plenty of time, except I don't! 

I've started making some freezer meals, and have a huge list of things to stock up on next month. And I'm pretty prepared with the baby essentials, although Little Brother might have to deals with things like pink towels and swaddles...sorry, son. 

I couldn't resist painting some more trees, so Baby D 2.0's room now has a couple of pine trees, soon to be joined by a fox and an owl! It'll be a sad day when the kids are older and they want to change their rooms...but a good thing that Kevin uses a quality primer, because it's going to need it, haha. I had to put 4 coats of paint on those trees! 

My hair never actually looks like this, I had just taken it out of a topknot. It's so unmanageably long, I can't wait for something new and shorter!

I just read a thing that said you should ideally wean your child from a pacifier between their 1st and 2nd birthdays...ha. We'll see. This girl's moods have been quite volatile lately, and I feel like I'll do absolutely anything for some peace.

I love her hands while she's looking at her little self in the mirror! 💜

Total weight gain: Despite the arrival of ice cream season...19 lbs.

Miss anything? Not having to make the decision: Eat or breathe comfortably?

Movement: Plenty of hiccups, and he's still bopping around a lot even though it must be so cramped!

Highs/Lows: Ice cream season/Aching feet, Kevin being away 8 days over the last 2 weeks.

Looking forward to: Our 4th wedding anniversary, and getting my hair done!! And...birth, I guess? Just kidding.

[Week 32]

I'm drawing a blank...what to write? Not much is new since 4 weeks ago. The weather is nicer, a little sunny vitamin D is a welcome change! My sewing machine is camped out on the kitchen table, and I'm trying to get as many of my projects done as I can. The weeks are flying by!

Total weight gain: About 16 lbs.

Miss anything? Going to bed and actually being able to sleep...it's a dance party in my stomach from 10-12pm. 

Movement: I'm getting pummeled every time he wakes up! 

Highs/Lows: Beautiful weather, healthy baby, getting baby projects done, still sleeping fairly comfortably with my fantastic preggo pillow/HEARTBURN, Isla teething, Braxton-Hicks when I walk any faster than a stroll.

Looking forward to: My BFF's gender reveal party! And my brother/SIL's college graduation.

[Week 28]

It's spring! This evening we were outside with the glorious sun, pulling Isla around the neighborhood in her new wagon. She was thrilled, until we were 5 minutes from home and she got antsy. We've both had colds this week, but nothing stops her from moving! 

Today is the first day since my last appointment (which was 3 days ago) that I've been able to use my arm without wincing. I forgot how much the Tdap booster sucks. And brilliant me had the nurse use my right arm, because I usually hold Isla on my left side, but forgot that I sleep on my right side. Not good. Live and learn!

Also, the lighting is this picture is terrible. But look at my sweet shirt! (Lularoe!)

Total weight gain: About 13 lbs.

Cravings: I should just take this question out, since I don't have any abnormal cravings...

Miss anything? Having a normal center of gravity.

Movement: Tons, this little guy is very active! 

Highs/Lows: My parents coming to visit, buying Baby D 2.0 a load of clothes at a mom2mom sale, no gestational diabetes!/Having a cold right now (ugh), my body getting slower, and feeling more cumbersome as I get bigger! I've been grunting a lot, haha.

Looking forward to: Easter Sunday and giving Isla her first Easter basket! Also planning out Baby D 2.0's room...there may be more tree-painting in my future :)

[Week 24]

(Mostly written 2/25)

What do you know, it's been 5 weeks! We just had a big snowstorm yesterday, at least a foot, probably more (9.6 inches, apparently). Considering that it's been in the balmy 50's several times this February, it's a pretty big deal. Especially for Isla, who loves to sit in the snow. She can't really walk in it, so she just sits. 

I've been feeling pretty energetic lately. So much so that I have so far deep-cleaned the bathroom, cleaned out the hallway closet, cleaned out my closet, started a new sewing project, organized the pantry, and done about a million loads of laundry (as of 3/1 I'm also organizing all our baby clothes. I have more gender-neutral items than I thought! Mostly Spartan stuff, haha).

Total weight gain: 8-9 lbs. I'm telling the truth.

Cravings: Nope. Well, chocolate, but that's the norm.

Miss anything? Going barefoot!

Movement: He's still able to do somersaults, not totally comfortably on my end though!

Highs/Lows: First night away this past weekend, and I got my first facial! Also, our family room is finished, and nesting is awesome./Trying to transition to one nap a day for Isla...I never know what to expect from her. Also, finding out Amazon's free shipping threshold for non-Prime members increased from $35 to $49. That made me way more upset than it should have, haha.

Looking forward to: Hmm, there isn't anything exciting happening in the near future. Getting my gestational diabetes screen over with. Bleh...

[Week 19]

I guess I could wait until 20 weeks, and then post every 5 weeks like I did with Isla. But, I don't do well with deadlines these days. So I'll post when I have an "I feel like it" moment. Plus, we got to find out the gender early this time! Only by like a week, because my due date is actually later than what is on my paperwork. That says June 9th, the ultrasound says June 12th, I say June 15th...but really, all that matters is what the baby says.

It's a boy!

Let's see...info...since I've been slacking for a while. So let's just copy the fun little questions from last time, shall we?

Total weight gain: 6-7 lbs. Compared to 14 lbs at 20 weeks the last time, it sounds nice. But let's be honest, I did NOT get myself very healthy before getting pregnant again, and started out at a higher weight. Something about having an emotional, needy child and just trying to survive.

Cravings: Nothing specific, I just want to eat everything all the time! But I can't, because we're trying to teach Isla that she can't eat everything all the time (and she would). I think I just figured out why I haven't been gaining as much weight...

Miss anything? Not specific to pregnancy, but I miss friends. Our life feels really isolating right now.

Gender prediction: Already know it's a boy! I didn't try to guess this time, since I was super wrong before.

Movement: Lots, since 13 weeks! So far, this guy feels mild-mannered. Maybe wishful thinking, haha.

Highs/Lows: Yay, our baby looks perfect, and he's a boy! Our basement family room is almost done/Winter, isolation, teething and the exercising of free will.

Looking forward to: Umm, idk, spring?? *sigh* Since it's only January I'll pick something else. Oh yeah, spa trip with my BFF next month!

(I don't have an updated picture, since most days I wear whatever I slept in. This was at 17 weeks.)

Baby D 2.0

It's a different experience, being pregnant for the second time. People say you won't even have time to think about it, that all your attention is still on your first child. This is partially true, I definitely don't have as many moments to just stop, think, and wonder. Most of my moments are spent making sure my daughter is clean and fed, her little mind is growing and learning, and she is being disciplined in a firm but loving way. After all that, sometimes I have a few seconds to reflect.

However, what my reflecting has revealed is unsettling to me.

Being a laid-back person has served me well so far in life. Sure, I have social anxieties and insecurities like every introvert/human being. But in most situations, I'm easygoing and relaxed. 

In marriage, my husband and I rarely argue, because (and I know this sounds terrible) not much matters to me enough to argue about it. And because I married a smart, capable, helpful, good-looking man. I don't want to say marriage is easy, but it hasn't been hard either. 

As a mom, being laid-back has saved me from ultimate exhaustion and frustration (excluding the newborn stage, when this is INEVITABLE). My baby is eating crumbs off the floor? Nbd, I sure as heck am not sweeping twice a day. She isn't crawling yet at 9 months...so? I won't have to carry her for her whole life. My point is that I think I have a fairly realistic view of life, people, and the limit of my abilities. Which helps me not worry a lot.

But all that goes out the window. Because even though "not much matters to me", my family matters to me. My daughter matters to me. And my tiny unborn son matters to me, but the difference is that now I am acutely aware of how much. 

Before my girl was earth side and in my arms, I had no idea how fiercely I would love her. Having a baby was just a vague idea. And this change isn't something I'm even going to attempt to explain to someone who isn't a parent yet, because that would require a level of emotional depth and reflection that I just don't have energy for. I'll just say that it's so much bigger than you can imagine, and totally mind-blowing. And the fact that it's just a shadowy reflection of how much God loves us is unfathomable (is that a word?) to me.

This is unsettling because now that I know what it's like, I already have these crazy, protective instincts and intense love for my son. I would do anything to ensure that he is safe. But I can't do anything. He's still on the inside, hidden away from me where I can't see. I'm grateful for technology, which allowed us to see him today, and by all appearances, he is strong and healthy. It was an agonizing 19 weeks waiting for the good report, and it will be another agonizing 21 before he's in our arms.