'Tis So Sweet

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more

Singing "How I've proved Him o'er and o'er" has always provoked a twinge of guilt in my heart. What exactly have I proven? That countless times, I am silent in the face of conflict. That I have "served" Jesus for years with little to no joy in my heart. That I tend to judge others without thought of my own sin. That I avoid uncomfortable situations, rather than show others God's perfect grace through my own failings.

But this is exactly what I am supposed to prove "o'er and o'er."

The Bible is not full of heroes, or even people walking on the "straight and narrow." Look a little closer. The "heroes" of our faith were murderers, adulterers, liars, polygamists, idol worshipers, and all other kinds of screwed up people. Just like us. Though some of our sins might be more subtle, they are just as consequential (read: we deserve death no matter what we do). God obviously doesn't require anything close to perfection to be glorified. He makes it happen. 

All these years I've interpreted this song to mean, "I trust God in every circumstance, and do everything He wants of me perfectly. People see Jesus in me 24/7. Look at this, I have given up all attempt at control and never resist being obedient."

Wrong.

Trusting Jesus is so sweet. It's a crisp breath of fresh spring air, to realize for the umpteenth time in my life that nothing I can do, say, or pretend will get in the way of God's plan and purpose for my life. Things will go wrong, people will not always have the best opinion of me, I will not always use my time and energy in the best way, I will FAIL. Because only God is perfect, infallible, and completely trustworthy.

Singing this song this morning, I realized that this is "how I've proved Him o'er and o'er" and will continue to prove Him the rest of my life. I will be living proof that I am a mess without Jesus. That His grace is the only reason I can face the world and still have hope. That trusting in Him doesn't mean I will be perfect, but that the end result of all my fumbling and stumbling will be. That as long as God is my focus and my desire, He will be glorified.

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Give me grace to trust You more.

First Snow, Can You Smell Those Chestnuts Yet??

The first snow is in the air. In years past, I have grumbled, complained, and vehemently expressed my disdain for the stuff. This year is different. After I got over the initial shock (I may have shrieked a little), I was okay with it. It was almost calming. Living in the city doesn't leave much room for peace and quiet, especially living on one of the main roads in Lansing. But the snow reminded my of my parent's farm Up North in the woods, away from the noise.

Normally, I'm not much of a Christmas person, either. Here's an excerpt from a previous blog, 3 years ago:

"I'm not really into all the Christmas hype. Yes, I love giving gifts, spending time with family and such, and setting aside a day to celebrate. I'm all for that. It's that other stuff...I don't dress up in Christmas colors, and I think snowmen are a little creepy...I don't like the hustle and bustle and general craziness. All the preparation for the BIG DAY."

Yeah, usually any smidgen of Christmas before Thanksgiving is met with a roll of the eyes. Hearing a Christmas carol makes me want to punch a reindeer. You get the idea. But again, this year is different. I'm going Christmas CRAZY! I want the tree up NOW, I want to get all my shopping done and get those suckers WRAPPED, I want to bake the crap out of some cookies...and since social media has brainwashed us all into thinking we need to post every emotion (even though I'm generally just making fun of myself), Twitter and Facebook were my outlet for these outbursts. And then something unfortunate happened.

My post went something like, "Why am I getting so excited for Christmas, this has NEVER happened to me before! Hubby put the kibosh on decorating for two more weeks :("

Comment, "Why is he the only one who makes that decision?"

My intention in my post was NOT to point out that my husband is a meanie-face Scrooge who won't let me decorate. But unfortunately, it could come across like that to someone who doesn't know my social media style (basically self-ridicule for the entertainment of others). And it was disrespectful to my husband to even jokingly suggest that he was being unreasonable. Truth is, my husband is the voice of reason the majority of the time. The picture in my head was of me, twirling around in a sea of popcorn garlands, burlap ribbons and twinkle lights, and my husband saying, "Tomorrow is Halloween, stop it."

To me, this picture is HILARIOUS, because the thought of me acting this way seems so out of character. Last year, HE was the one who suggested we go out and get our tree two weeks before Thanksgiving. Which was a lot less ridiculous than the week of Halloween, am I right? What is wrong with me...

So to the people out there who are of the opinion that women (especially wives) who don't get whatever they want in life are being horribly oppressed...if it weren't for my husband, I would be laying in a pile of cinnamon-scented pine cones, thoroughly sick of Christmas, even before Turkey Day. He is the hero yet again, saving me from myself. Because I am not always right or reasonable. Thanks, babe :)

Snowmen are still creepy though.