~Week 15~

This baby grew a lot this week! He (or she, I guess) is about the size of an apple - 4.5 inches and 3.5 ounces.

Thankfully my "morning" sickness (which usually happened around 5pm) is virtually gone, unless I go for a long time without eating. I'm feeling a little more energetic too...I can stay up past 9! Sometimes. But I had to trade that for frequent headaches, which usually go away after a nap, if I can get one.

Total weight gain: About 6 or 7 pounds.

Cravings: Scrambled eggs and a Beach Club from Jimmy John's.

Miss anything? Eating raw cookie dough/brownie batter. 

Gender prediction: Boy! 

Movement: Not even a flutter.

Highs/Lows: Getting to hear Baby D's heartbeat (144 bpm) a couple weeks ago, but then having to postpone the ultrasound because Kevin has to go out of town for work.

Looking forward to: 5/21 is Ultrasound Day!

The 100th Day

According to my Baby Bump app, I've been pregnant for 100 days. 100 days!

For those of you who don't know, a full-term pregnancy is 280 days, or 40 weeks, or 10 months.

Hold up, 10 months? I've been lied to my whole life.

And thus began this wonderful journey of new experiences. Now, it's true that I was required to take the OB/Maternity class and clinical in nursing school, but it was FAR from my favorite. The first day of class, our instructor showed some slides comparing healthy and not-so-healthy placentas, and I checked out a little bit. (Although it might have been the Taco Bell I scarfed down beforehand making me queasy. Who knows.) That being said, I've gained some knowledge that might help me freak out marginally less than other first-time moms, but I hardly consider myself an expert. Thankfully, I haven't had much to freak out about yet!

We found out we were expecting the day before Kevin left for his annual Colorado snowboarding trip. (Flashback: Three years prior, the day before he left on this same trip, I finally agreed to go out with him.) I had been feeling pretty gross all day, and that morning the grocery store was filled with all kinds of overwhelmingly disgusting smells. Which are actually always there, I just suddenly had the world's worst superpower. I guess x-ray vision wasn't an option. So anyway, I had a strong suspicion, and told Kevin that I needed to take a test when he got home. There was no way I was going to find out I was pregnant by myself. I know, people have cutesy pictures or stories of how they told their s/o, but I think these kinds of moments need to be experienced together. And how fun it was…I couldn't stop shaking and Kevin couldn't process. I didn't have another spare test, and he didn't want to get his hopes up until I took another one, just to be sure. So the next morning, I called him after another positive result, and it was like, "Ok, it's real. This is happening!" He's wanted kids since the day after the wedding. I wanted to wait a little while, put my degree to good use, and adjust to my new life before being completely responsible for a tiny human being.

Fast forward about a year. I decided that I wanted to be a mom more than a nurse, but apparently my body had different ideas. After several doctor's visits and and an MRI, I received my first official diagnosis: a pituitary adenoma. It's a fairly common benign mass on the pituitary gland that usually causes no trouble, but mine decided to misbehave, messing up my hormone levels and making pregnancy impossible. So I got some meds, but the dose was constantly being increased, because my bloodwork showed no improvement. As a result, I wasn't optimistic about our chances of having a baby anytime soon. Imagine my surprise, the day before I needed to refill my prescription, and two days before my next blood draw, finding out such joyous news!

We couldn't be happier. And now that the 1st trimester is over and my symptoms are almost all gone, I'm REALLY happy. Honestly, I can't complain too much, the nausea was pretty mild. Pregnancy fatigue is a b****, though.

It's hard to believe Baby D will be here in just 6 months. Or 180(ish) days, whichever you prefer.   :)

All Things

"Bright and beautiful, wise and wonderful, all things are in Your hands."

"All Things" by Aaron Gillespie is one of my very favorite worship songs.  It talks about..well…obviously…how all things are in God's hands. The joyful parts of life and the pain and suffering as well. He orchestrates it all.

Sometimes (most of the time) it's hard for me to remember that I control nothing. No amount of worry or stress will change the future. But also, nothing we do will separate us from being a part of God's sovereign plan. There is always a purpose, and a perfect end result.

There are definitely areas in my life right now that are showing me I need an increase in faith. In the midst of everything, we're looking for a new house, with limited funds and a limited time frame. We've accepted that we probably aren't going to get our dream home, but praying that something good turns up soon.

I have to remember that God is not limited. And that all things are in His hands.

Polar Vortex

These days, it's pretty hard to keep warm. If the temperature outside creeps above 10 degrees, it feels like we should have a freaking pool party. My husband got me battery-operated heated socks for Christmas, but apparently, the blocks of ice that I call feet need nothing less than a roaring fire to thaw. And a roaring fire, we do not have.

I also found out that the cruise control on my car doesn't work when the temps are this low. Nothing like realizing you've coasted down to 40mph on the highway with a semi on your tail. Yikes. 

And the food. All of the foods. Who wants to eat cold fruits and veggies out of the fridge when your teeth are already chattering? Not this girl. I want hot, cheesy, melty, meaty foods that warm my belly on these cold, cold nights. Mostly nachos. I want all of the nachos.

'Tis So Sweet

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more

Singing "How I've proved Him o'er and o'er" has always provoked a twinge of guilt in my heart. What exactly have I proven? That countless times, I am silent in the face of conflict. That I have "served" Jesus for years with little to no joy in my heart. That I tend to judge others without thought of my own sin. That I avoid uncomfortable situations, rather than show others God's perfect grace through my own failings.

But this is exactly what I am supposed to prove "o'er and o'er."

The Bible is not full of heroes, or even people walking on the "straight and narrow." Look a little closer. The "heroes" of our faith were murderers, adulterers, liars, polygamists, idol worshipers, and all other kinds of screwed up people. Just like us. Though some of our sins might be more subtle, they are just as consequential (read: we deserve death no matter what we do). God obviously doesn't require anything close to perfection to be glorified. He makes it happen. 

All these years I've interpreted this song to mean, "I trust God in every circumstance, and do everything He wants of me perfectly. People see Jesus in me 24/7. Look at this, I have given up all attempt at control and never resist being obedient."

Wrong.

Trusting Jesus is so sweet. It's a crisp breath of fresh spring air, to realize for the umpteenth time in my life that nothing I can do, say, or pretend will get in the way of God's plan and purpose for my life. Things will go wrong, people will not always have the best opinion of me, I will not always use my time and energy in the best way, I will FAIL. Because only God is perfect, infallible, and completely trustworthy.

Singing this song this morning, I realized that this is "how I've proved Him o'er and o'er" and will continue to prove Him the rest of my life. I will be living proof that I am a mess without Jesus. That His grace is the only reason I can face the world and still have hope. That trusting in Him doesn't mean I will be perfect, but that the end result of all my fumbling and stumbling will be. That as long as God is my focus and my desire, He will be glorified.

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Give me grace to trust You more.

First Snow, Can You Smell Those Chestnuts Yet??

The first snow is in the air. In years past, I have grumbled, complained, and vehemently expressed my disdain for the stuff. This year is different. After I got over the initial shock (I may have shrieked a little), I was okay with it. It was almost calming. Living in the city doesn't leave much room for peace and quiet, especially living on one of the main roads in Lansing. But the snow reminded my of my parent's farm Up North in the woods, away from the noise.

Normally, I'm not much of a Christmas person, either. Here's an excerpt from a previous blog, 3 years ago:

"I'm not really into all the Christmas hype. Yes, I love giving gifts, spending time with family and such, and setting aside a day to celebrate. I'm all for that. It's that other stuff...I don't dress up in Christmas colors, and I think snowmen are a little creepy...I don't like the hustle and bustle and general craziness. All the preparation for the BIG DAY."

Yeah, usually any smidgen of Christmas before Thanksgiving is met with a roll of the eyes. Hearing a Christmas carol makes me want to punch a reindeer. You get the idea. But again, this year is different. I'm going Christmas CRAZY! I want the tree up NOW, I want to get all my shopping done and get those suckers WRAPPED, I want to bake the crap out of some cookies...and since social media has brainwashed us all into thinking we need to post every emotion (even though I'm generally just making fun of myself), Twitter and Facebook were my outlet for these outbursts. And then something unfortunate happened.

My post went something like, "Why am I getting so excited for Christmas, this has NEVER happened to me before! Hubby put the kibosh on decorating for two more weeks :("

Comment, "Why is he the only one who makes that decision?"

My intention in my post was NOT to point out that my husband is a meanie-face Scrooge who won't let me decorate. But unfortunately, it could come across like that to someone who doesn't know my social media style (basically self-ridicule for the entertainment of others). And it was disrespectful to my husband to even jokingly suggest that he was being unreasonable. Truth is, my husband is the voice of reason the majority of the time. The picture in my head was of me, twirling around in a sea of popcorn garlands, burlap ribbons and twinkle lights, and my husband saying, "Tomorrow is Halloween, stop it."

To me, this picture is HILARIOUS, because the thought of me acting this way seems so out of character. Last year, HE was the one who suggested we go out and get our tree two weeks before Thanksgiving. Which was a lot less ridiculous than the week of Halloween, am I right? What is wrong with me...

So to the people out there who are of the opinion that women (especially wives) who don't get whatever they want in life are being horribly oppressed...if it weren't for my husband, I would be laying in a pile of cinnamon-scented pine cones, thoroughly sick of Christmas, even before Turkey Day. He is the hero yet again, saving me from myself. Because I am not always right or reasonable. Thanks, babe :)

Snowmen are still creepy though.