Baby D 2.0

It's a different experience, being pregnant for the second time. People say you won't even have time to think about it, that all your attention is still on your first child. This is partially true, I definitely don't have as many moments to just stop, think, and wonder. Most of my moments are spent making sure my daughter is clean and fed, her little mind is growing and learning, and she is being disciplined in a firm but loving way. After all that, sometimes I have a few seconds to reflect.

However, what my reflecting has revealed is unsettling to me.

Being a laid-back person has served me well so far in life. Sure, I have social anxieties and insecurities like every introvert/human being. But in most situations, I'm easygoing and relaxed. 

In marriage, my husband and I rarely argue, because (and I know this sounds terrible) not much matters to me enough to argue about it. And because I married a smart, capable, helpful, good-looking man. I don't want to say marriage is easy, but it hasn't been hard either. 

As a mom, being laid-back has saved me from ultimate exhaustion and frustration (excluding the newborn stage, when this is INEVITABLE). My baby is eating crumbs off the floor? Nbd, I sure as heck am not sweeping twice a day. She isn't crawling yet at 9 months...so? I won't have to carry her for her whole life. My point is that I think I have a fairly realistic view of life, people, and the limit of my abilities. Which helps me not worry a lot.

But all that goes out the window. Because even though "not much matters to me", my family matters to me. My daughter matters to me. And my tiny unborn son matters to me, but the difference is that now I am acutely aware of how much. 

Before my girl was earth side and in my arms, I had no idea how fiercely I would love her. Having a baby was just a vague idea. And this change isn't something I'm even going to attempt to explain to someone who isn't a parent yet, because that would require a level of emotional depth and reflection that I just don't have energy for. I'll just say that it's so much bigger than you can imagine, and totally mind-blowing. And the fact that it's just a shadowy reflection of how much God loves us is unfathomable (is that a word?) to me.

This is unsettling because now that I know what it's like, I already have these crazy, protective instincts and intense love for my son. I would do anything to ensure that he is safe. But I can't do anything. He's still on the inside, hidden away from me where I can't see. I'm grateful for technology, which allowed us to see him today, and by all appearances, he is strong and healthy. It was an agonizing 19 weeks waiting for the good report, and it will be another agonizing 21 before he's in our arms. 

Isla-Bird

October 2nd, two days before my due date.

2:00 am. I am awake. This isn't out of the ordinary, in the weeks previous I occasionally had insomnia for whatever reason…anxiety, weird scary dreams, not being able to roll over in bed without shooting pains in my back. I read for a couple hours then go back to bed, but still can't sleep.

6:00 am. I start having contractions…I never had contractions that early in the morning before, and they were coming regularly. Husband wakes up for work. He kisses me good morning and I say "Don't freak out. I'm having contractions, and we'll probably need to go to the hospital today." I tell him to go to work, and I'll keep him updated. He seems pretty calm.

10:00 am. I call my OB's office to talk to a nurse. My contractions were consistently 3-4 minutes apart, but were only lasting about 45 seconds. Every one made me stop what I was doing and breathe through it. The nurse's advice: You'll know when you need to go. It will feel overwhelming and you won't be able to talk through it." I eat a banana.

11:00 am. I call Kevin. "You should probably come home soon, because I think I'll want to go soon." Every few minutes I have to lean into the couch and squeeze my eyes shut really tight. I imagine baby might be as uncomfortable as I am, being ejected into the world so slowly. Kevin races home, ready to go. "I said soon, not now."

1:30 pm. We arrive at the hospital. I had pre-registered, so checking in is fairly painless. A nurse takes me back to a triage room, does a cervical check, and velcros the two monitors around my belly. After laboring for 7 hours at home, I am only at 1 cm. Grr.

 2:30 pm. Still only at 1 cm. A nurse and a resident tell me "You're only in the very early stages of labor, this could go on for days. These are very mild contractions." I want to wring someone's neck. Mild my ***. Just because the stupid monitors are barely picking up my contractions! And having to lay there is not helping, I am trying so hard not to cry. If I'm not going to have this baby today, there is no way I can do this without meds. They're telling me this is "mild" pain, but it's already so intense.

5:00 pm. I finally get to walk around! After being in the triage room for over 3 hours...they wanted to keep monitoring me because baby's heart rate was going down with contractions. Giving me a bag of fluid helped a little, and I progressed to 3 cm, so they decided to admit me. I get up, go to the bathroom, and start walking around the halls. Walking around with an IV pole is harder than it looks! And even though we're on the maternity unit, I get asked "Are you okay?" multiple times. I guess seeing a woman in labor can be alarming for some people, but sheesh. I lean against railings, chairs, whatever is around with my contractions. Kevin tries rubbing my back, but the counter-pressure makes me feel worse, so he holds my hand instead.

6:00 pm. We get to the labor and delivery room. Walking was getting too painful. The nurse who admits me is funny and straightforward, but it's almost shift-change, so I try not to get too attached. My teeth start to chatter, and she tells me "the shakes" are totally normal, just surging hormones. She brings me a cherry Popsicle and some ice, but I don't want to eat anything. I find out that one of my favorite doctors is working tonight. With this hospital's system, there was a good chance I would have to deliver with a doctor I'd never even met, so this is a relief. And lucky me, I get two nurses! One is on her last day of training, and she is wonderful.

7:00ish pm. The anesthesiologist tells me that because I have a "mass in my brain" (a microadenoma on my pituitary gland), she won't give me an epidural, because it can mess with intercerebral pressure and all that fun stuff. Now, I don't want meds, but I still want the option, in case this labor goes on for hours and hours. The nurses let the doctor know, who tells me that a microadenoma shouldn't be an issue, and he would talk to the anesthesiologist. Meanwhile, I bounce on the birthing ball, trying the breathe the pain away. It doesn't really work.

8:00ish pm. I have to have a neurology consult. The anesthesiologist wants the OK that my brain won't explode before she gives me an epidural (my words). Not sure who they sent, but he doesn't seem very comfortable around a woman in labor. I have to lay flat on my back and stare at one spot on the ceiling while he shines a penlight in my eyes for way too long. This is incredibly difficult and uncomfortable since I'm having contractions every 60 seconds, and there's a strange man really close to my face.

9:00ish pm. I get in the shower. The room oscillates between freezing and sweltering, and I just want some consistency. The shower is tiny, but big enough for the birthing ball. The warm water streaming down my back made me the most relaxed and comfortable I'd been all day. I wonder, if my water breaks while I'm in here, how would anybody know?

10:00ish pm. 6cm. "Only 6?" I moan.  "That's really good!" My sweet nurse says. It's time for more monitoring. She hooks me up, I decide to stay in bed for this round. I'm getting really tired.

10:20ish pm. Kevin is hungry, and is about to walk out the door to go get some food. My water breaks, and I politely yell for him to get somebody. The pressure becomes much more intense.

Time is a blur. I definitely don't look at the clock after this point. I am 8cm. The baby doesn't like being born, her heart rate drops. The nurses help me on my hands and knees, no change. I put on oxygen, no change. A nurse puts in a fetal scalp monitor to try to get a better read on the baby. This whole time, the external monitors have barely been able to pick up contractions, and now they can't get her heartbeat, either. A few minutes later, I have to push. "She's 10, she's complete." The doctor and the resident come in, but they stand back. There are 3 nurses talking to me, getting everything ready. Shaking and shivering for 5 hours has left me feeling so weak and unstable, but they help hold me. 1...2...3...4 pushes, some screaming, and she's out. 

The two of us is now the three of us, and nothing will ever be the same.

~Week 35…36~

80's day…no really, my mom wore this shirt in the 80's.

Yeah, I'm past 36 weeks now. So at this rate, the next post will probably involve a newborn baby! Yay! (sorry my head is cut off, I still don't have a good mirror situation)

The past few weeks have been great. Last month my BFF threw me an Up North shower (despite being a newlywed of only 5 weeks!) which was so much fun! It had a baby bird theme, and while I don't have any other pictures at the moment, I do have a picture of the cake topper before I tried to eat it…so cute!

Then I finished up my last few days of work…such a relief, the last couple months of working were so stressful and painful! My hip/back pain has decreased dramatically since quitting! 

My husband's crazy, busy, month-long job finally ended at the end of August. It's been fantastic just being able to spend some time together, and finishing some baby projects that I couldn't do by myself. (who am I kidding, he does most of the work when it comes to projects... I "help")

Then just this weekend, I had another shower here in Lansing, put on and attended by the coolest ladies ever! 

Baby shower #2! (Sorry shower #1, I don't have any pictures of you)

They went with the "Woodland Creatures" theme that I'm doing for my nursery. Speaking of, here's a picture of my pretty-much-finished wall of birch trees!

They still need a little bit of touching up, if I ever get around to it. Right now I have more important projects to give my attention to. Like staying sane.

This active little bird is around 20 inches long, and over 6 pounds now. My belly definitely feels the difference, too. It hasn't gotten a lot bigger, but it's a lot more cramped in there. In fact, I might have to stand up right now because she just stuck a foot up in my right lung. The best news though, is that she's head down and ready to go! The doctor told me it didn't feel like she was going to flip…not sure how he could feel that, but I'll take it. 

Only 4 more weeks!!!

Total weight gain: 28 pounds. I didn't gain anything in like a 3 week stretch…then went up 3 pounds in one week! Hey there, stretch marks.

Cravings? Some of that raspberry pie left over from my shower ;)

Miss anything? Sleeping straight through the night. HAHA that won't happen again for years!

Movement: Random bouts of hiccups, day and night. When she stretches out her arms, it almost feels like a hug :)

Highs/lows: Baby showers, feelin' the love, not working, getting stuff done finally/Being wide awake in the middle of the night, random emotional outbursts.

Looking forward to: This little girl making her first appearance! Hopefully not for a few more weeks, but I'm getting anxious to see her.

~Week 30~

Ok, so it's actually 31 weeks! Slacking. But hey, I only have to post maybe two more of these 5-week updates! Yaaaaaaaaay! Also, AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous, I'm so not ready yet. My picture this week is so terrible because we moved (!) 4 weeks ago and both my mirrors are still in the spare room. How can I have a baby if my mirrors aren't even hung??

Haha, I'm just kidding. Kind of. I know there's probably still going to be a lot unfinished two months from now. I just hope most of it's done by then.

Alright, down to business. As always, my resources are very inconsistent, so I'm just going to guess…Baby Birdie is approximately 16 inches long and a whopping 3.5 pounds! And she's been throwing her weight around the last few days. It's quite jolting, I think she's getting cramped! "Let me out!" It's crazy how big she's gotten in such a short time, and how much bigger she still needs to grow. In 9 weeks no less. Goodness.

Whew, I am hot right now. It's about 80 in here, and no AC yet :/ We put a fan in the window at night to blow in the cool air, which keeps the house pretty comfortable until about 3pm. Thankfully we haven't had very many super hot days yet!

Total weight gain: 23 pounds.

Cravings? Not really. I just always want to eat, but already feel full!

Miss anything? Being able to get up from the couch without an act of Congress.

Movement: BIG TIME. Kevin has felt her several times, but she won't kick for anyone else. Stinker.

Highs/Lows: My BFF's wedding a few weeks ago, having awesome friends to throw me baby showers, not having GD, still sleeping fairly comfortably/My great-grandma's funeral, Kevin is working every day for a straight month, getting oh-so tired even though I'm sleeping fine.

Looking forward to: Baby showers! And August 25th, my LAST DAY OF WORK!!!!!

   

(99)

~Week 25~

What, another 5 weeks already? We're almost to the 100 day countdown! 

Baby Birdie is apparently in the cauliflower/eggplant category now. (The standard measures for babies in the womb are fruits and vegetables, in case you weren't aware.) Some resources say she's about 9 inches long, others say as much as 14 inches, so it's really anyone's guess. They all are pretty consistent with weight though, at about 1.5 pounds. Only 8.5 to go. (I'm just mentally preparing myself.) 

I'm very thankful for air conditioning. All of this increased blood supply/decreased lung capacity nonsense means on the hot days, I overheat just walking from room to room. Ah, summer. Our new house is cooler than this one, but the central air is currently broken (surprise!), so we need to get it fixed ASAP. Hopefully before we move in! 

Time has been going by pretty quickly, but 15 more weeks still seems too long. It's probably a good thing though, I am not at all prepared for Birdie to be here yet! As much as I want to hold her and stare at her beautiful little face, there's a lot that still needs to be done. Like packing, ugh…

Total weight gain: 17 pounds.

Cravings: Lots and lots of fruit.

Miss anything? Being able to interact with strangers without them asking when I'm due, and then saying, "Oh, you have the whooooole summer to go!" Yeah, I know.

Movement: She's rarely not moving. Kevin still can't feel kicks, even though I can sometimes see my whole belly jump!

Highs/Lows: Throwing my best friend's bridal shower. Closing on our house, and starting to see it come together. Planning the decor is really fun! But, Kevin is away again, which is a drag.

Looking forward to: Kevin coming home, moving, Hannah's wedding, and finding out whether or not I have gestational diabetes. Well, maybe not that last one :P

Birdie

This is a little anti-climactic since we've known for two weeks, but…after being so sure that Baby D was a boy…haha gotcha! SHE is healthy and strong and perfectly amazing. I am so in love and cannot wait to meet my little baby Birdie. (that's not what we're naming her, just the nickname that I've had since I found out about her existence. And now that we know she's a girl it doesn't sound weird.)

Our lovely ultrasound tech was able to tell us the gender less than 30 seconds after the wand touched my belly. But after that, Birdie wouldn't stay still! She rolled and punched and covered her face…we were lucky to get a clear profile picture. Speaking of punching, it was so crazy to be able to watch her moving (sometimes vigorously) and being able to feel it at the same time! 

Even though she was so active, the tech and the doctor were able to see everything they needed to see. Her little heart was beating perfectly. Everything was where it needed to be. I am so thankful.

~The best shot~

~"Don't look at me!"~